How I Moved Through the Pain of Separation

Going through a separation is one of the hardest experiences I’ve ever faced. It’s a time filled with grief, confusion, and deep transformation. While I knew I had to move forward, I also had to honor everything I was feeling. There were moments when I felt completely lost, but through it all, I found ways to support myself—ways that allowed me to heal without forcing myself to “get over it” too quickly. Here are five things that truly helped me during that time.

1. I Painted Without a Plan

I never considered myself a painter, but during my separation, I felt drawn to pick up a brush and just let my emotions spill onto the canvas. I didn’t follow any rules or plan out what I was creating—I just let myself move with the colors and textures, allowing my emotions to take the lead. It was less about making something beautiful and more about expressing what was inside of me. Sometimes, my paintings felt chaotic; other times, they felt soft and soothing. The act of painting became a mirror for what I was experiencing, and in doing so, I was able to process emotions I couldn’t yet put into words.

2. I Took Long, Slow Walks

For the longest time, I associated walks with my grandmother. She would take them daily, and I never really understood why. But during my separation, I found myself craving that gentle movement. Walking became more than just exercise—it became a way to shift my energy and ground myself. I started noticing things I hadn’t before: the rustling of the leaves, the warmth of the sun on my face, the crispness of the air. Using all my senses to take in my surroundings helped me stay present. Each step felt like a way to move through the emotions, rather than getting stuck in them.

3. I Journaled—A Lot

My mind was a whirlwind of emotions—anger, sadness, relief, guilt, uncertainty, and everything in between. Instead of keeping it all bottled up, I turned to journaling. I allowed myself to write freely, without judgment. I wasn’t trying to make sense of everything; I just needed to release what was inside. Some days, my journal was filled with raw, messy emotions. Other days, it was filled with gratitude or questions about what was next. Writing gave me a way to clear space in my heart and mind, making it easier to process my feelings without them overwhelming me.

4. I Worked With a Therapist for Three Years

I didn’t realize how much I had stored inside me until I started therapy. What I thought was just grief from my separation turned out to be layers of old wounds, limiting beliefs, and patterns I had been carrying for years. Working with a therapist gave me a safe space to unpack all of it. It wasn’t always easy—sometimes, facing my emotions felt unbearable. But the more I showed up for myself in those sessions, the lighter I began to feel. Having someone guide me through my healing made all the difference, and I learned that I didn’t have to do it alone.

5. I Created a Music Playlist That Spoke for Me

There were times when I didn’t have the words to express what I was feeling. But music? Music spoke for me. I put together a playlist that matched the waves of my emotions—songs that held my sadness, songs that made me feel empowered, songs that reminded me of my strength. Sometimes, I let the music hold me as I cried. Other times, I danced in my living room, shaking off the heaviness. Having a playlist that understood me helped me feel seen, even when I wasn’t ready to talk about what I was going through.

Healing isn’t linear, and there’s no “right” way to move through a separation. But what I’ve learned is that the most important thing you can do is give yourself permission to feel, to express, and to move at your own pace. These five practices helped me hold space for my emotions while slowly rebuilding my sense of self. If you’re going through a separation, know that you are not alone—and that healing is possible, one step, one brushstroke, one song at a time.