Reclaiming Me: How I Stopped Surviving and Started Truly Living

More than anything, I didn’t know how to express myself. I didn’t feel safe—emotionally, physically, or mentally. My nervous system was constantly in fight mode, ready to defend, ready to prove. Every disagreement, every harsh word, felt like an attack on my worth. The righteousness in me would scream, How dare you say that to me? I’ll show you. It was exhausting.

At the same time, my “good girl” energy—the part of me that wanted to be loved, accepted, and seen as “enough”—was competing for attention. I was stuck between proving myself and pleasing others, and neither one felt safe. I was surviving, but I wasn’t living. And the truth is, I didn’t even know how to feel safe.

The Collapse Before the Rise

Without the support of my family and close friends, I would have collapsed. In fact, I did—more than once. I remember the moments when the weight was too much, when I sat in my car alone after dropping off my kids, staring out the window, feeling like I was sinking into the seat. Tears would come, but I’d wipe them away before anyone saw. I had to keep going. I had to be strong.

So I poured everything into my kids because I wasn’t yet ready to focus on myself. I didn’t know how. I didn’t even know where to begin. But eventually, the time came when I had no choice but to face myself. The late nights where I lay awake, realizing that I had spent so much time holding things together for everyone else… but who was holding me?

Slowly, I started surfacing. The drowning feeling began to fade. But the grief? That lingered. Over a period of three years, I experienced so many layers of loss—the loss of a life I thought I would have, the loss of people I loved, the loss of who I thought I was supposed to be. I had spent years pushing through pain, convincing myself I was fine because that’s what I always did.

But I wasn’t fine. And I was tired of pretending.

Learning to Give Myself Grace

I never realized how little I valued my own feelings. I had spent my whole life pushing through, doing what was “right,” trying to be strong. But I reached a point where I was exhausted. I didn’t want to just do what was right. I wanted to do what was best for me.

And that shift? It wasn’t easy. It still isn’t sometimes. There are moments when I feel myself slipping, when the old patterns try to pull me back in. When my mind whispers, You should be doing more. You should be handling this better.

But now, I have something I didn’t before—awareness.

When I feel off, I notice. I don’t ignore it. I allow myself to sit with my emotions instead of running from them. I cry when I need to cry. I rest when I need to rest. I’ve learned that healing isn’t about getting rid of sadness, anger, or fear—it’s about accepting them as a natural part of my experience.

It’s about letting myself be human.

The Path to Freedom: Alignment Over Perfection

For so long, I thought I had to be perfect. I thought I had to have it all figured out. I thought if I did everything "right," I would finally feel at peace. But now, I realize the path to freedom isn’t about perfection—it’s about alignment. It’s about finding what truly feels right for me.

• It’s choosing what nourishes me instead of what drains me.

• It’s honoring my emotions instead of burying them.

• It’s letting go of the need to be understood and just choosing to understand myself.

I’m not supposed to be perfect. I’m just supposed to be me.

Can I accept that?

The answer is YES.

And for the first time in my life, I say it with a grounded heart.

I like myself today. I’m proud of the person I am becoming. Because I’ve made an effort—not just in the big ways, but in the small, daily choices to show up for myself.

• Drinking water first thing in the morning instead of scrolling.

• Letting myself rest without guilt.

• Speaking to myself with kindness instead of criticism.

• Choosing peace over proving.

It’s not about one big breakthrough. It’s about the small, intentional moments of choosing me.

And that? That is everything.